Know Your Hutts
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: A series of flash fictions about the Hutts of the Hutt clan and what drives each of them in their criminal business. Get to know the diversity of these slug-like crime lords and what makes them tick. Includes the Hutt Grand Council, plus Jabba, Gardulla, Ziro, Mama, and little Rotta. I own nothing except this fanfic.
1. Oruba the Hutt

**A/N:** This first flash fiction is something of a parody of a scene from the comedy movie, _Monty Python and the Holy Grail._ The story is taken from the scene, "The Tale of Sir Lancelot," and some of the DVD audio commentary.

* * *

**Money, Money, Money!**

* * *

_Ah, the life of a Hutt kingpin! Especially one on the Hutt Grand Council and head of one of the Five Hutt Families!_

Old Oruba the Hutt was quite the criminal emperor, ruthless as a Militarist, huge as a young krayt dragon, and for some reason, the palest Hutt known to most people in the underworld. His skin had an unnatural lack of pigmentation, making him a lot whiter and less slimy green than the average Hutt. It was one of the things that made him unusually ostentatious for such a slug, but it wasn't the only thing. Unlike most Hutts, he wore two articles of clothing, to hide his skin, or at least part of it: a black coat, and a black beret on his head.

Even with these drawbacks, though, Oruba had a knack for self-preservation and quick wits that allowed his empire to grow quite large. And being part of a culture that thrived on criminal enterprises, he knew what drove him as well as other Hutts.

_I'm completely unsentimental, and unromantic, totally in love with money, and with beautiful Twi'leks and Pa'lowicks bringing great dancing and musical entertainment to my private chamber. What else does one expect a Hutt to be infatuated with in life? But I'm also in love with some things that only a few of my colleagues, like Jabba and Arok, can boast of. Look at all the things I've done with my money, and all the things I can do in the future with it. I've got more harem girls, more guards (except for Jabba), more castles than any other Hutt in the galaxy. I built my empire up from nothing. All the land around me was quicksand, and other Hutts told me I was daffy to build a palace in quicksand, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em what I could do. It sank into the quicksand, so I built a second one. That sank into the quicksand. Then I built a third one, and it sank into the quicksand, but the fourth one stayed up. And that's what my son, Yolar, is going to get when he comes into his inheritance, the strongest Hutt castle in the galaxy._

_And we Hutts don't mess around with anything like art or culture, no, we don't want any of that! We need more land, slaves, and spices to keep us going. We need all the land we can get. It's all about… _money and things and power and possessions!_ That's what makes an empire of smugglers, revelers, bounty hunters, and crime bosses grow to the mightiest power we can achieve. And I intend to keep going and going until we have the hugest tracks of land a Hutt can have!_

Meanwhile, some visitors in the form of two powerful Zabraks and a human soldier were on their way to speak with Oruba and the Hutt Grand Council…


	2. Arok the Hutt

**A/N:** In this chapter, Arok the Hutt is loosely based off of Edward G. Robinson's gangster character, Caesar Enrico "Rico" Bandello, from the movie _Little Caesar._ Arok the Hutt is one of my two favorite Hutts because of his similarities to a movie mob character.

**Warning!:** This chapter involves a gay Hutt.

* * *

**Loyalty More Than Money**

* * *

_Do I have to put up with all this claptrap? I'm a Hutt crime boss, not a freaking psychologist!_

Arok the Hutt enjoyed the life of a gangster, especially one so powerful. It meant living the good life, and having all the things he could ever want or need. But he didn't like getting complaints from his underlings, meaning that he had to keep overfeeding his krayt dragons, and his constant executions of disloyal family members was sapping morale in his empire.

He didn't entirely dislike it, though, because it meant that only the fittest in his gang survived as well as the most loyal, and as amoral as Arok was, he did have at least one saving grace: as much as he loved wealth, loyalty was much more important to him than money. That meant that although he wouldn't tolerate the presence of the treacherous in his palace, those who remained loyal were welcome to share in his profits. This was why he was getting tired of having to kill traitors with his beasts.

There were other vices that Arok was subject to. He enjoyed good music, and liked to use alien bands and slaves to entertain him with that music. One secret he kept from most of his entourage and colleagues was that he was gay. Unlike most other male Hutts, he was attracted to other Hutt crime bosses. Of course, he wasn't attracted to all of them. After all, Jabba was quite corpulent and disgusting for his age. But Jabba's nephew, Gorga, was a sight for sore eyes to Arok, and the elder Hutt hoped that Gorga would prove himself better than his uncle, or his uncle's uncle, Ziro, had done.

He disapproved of drugs within his business, but not for personal or moral reasons; he thought that they were bad for his business, likely to get him and his men into trouble if he used them. And he refused to hold a conference in any place where there was likely to be a bugging device installed, doing all his meetings on Nal Hutta in the Hutt Grand Council Chamber.

Ironically enough, though, one more habit of Arok's, despite his disapproval of drugs, was that he was a terrible chain smoker. He kept a large, black cigar holder in his mouth so much of the time, with a giant cigar sticking out of it, and he smoked perpetually. The other Hutts on the Hutt Grand Council complained that those things would kill him one day, but Arok wasn't afraid. He had been smoking them for so many years, and his lungs were still relatively strong and healthy, and anyway, he preferred death by cigar smoke to a humiliating death by the hands of a Jedi or a Sith.

"I'll smoke till I'm dead," he told his fellow Councilors, "and I'm not dead yet. I have a long ways to go before that. I assure you."

"I'm not going to tolerate your endless smoking in my presence, Arok," said Marlo. "You wouldn't dare to go against my word, or-"

"Oh, I wouldn't, would I?" said Arok, "You just watch me! I'll do as I please in my Hutt family! You guys are with me, and that means that you have to tolerate my ways. So keep yer mouths shut! It's bad enough Ziro puts us through all this claptrap of his."

"We're free agents, Arok," said Oruba, "We're only affiliated with you in the respect that we're all on the Hutt Grand Council."

"Well," said Arok, "Ziro is through; he's out of the way, he's gone! He knows too much! I ain't gonna take any chances with him. He can give us the holodiary, and then he can die in a suicide as far as I'm concerned. Suicide for him and for his Mama."

_Is this the end of Arok?_


	3. Marlo the Hutt

**A/N: **Marlo the Hutt is evidently based off of Marlon Brando's character from _The Godfather_, Don Vito Corleone, as well as Brando's character, Carmine Sabatini, from _The Freshman_. He's my other favorite Hutt, my all time favorite, because of his creative resemblance to Don Corleone and Mr. Sabatini.

* * *

**Family Values**

* * *

_My crime family must be protected from all other crime families that attempt to rival its power and prestige. We also must keep such vices as cigars, drugs, spices, and others out of my palaces and other business places._

These were some of the beliefs of Marlo the Hutt, another official, slug-like crime boss of the Hutt species, and he often spoke them at meetings of the Hutt Grand Council. Unlike most prosperous Hutts, Marlo believed in having a sense of honor and morality in his family. That was why he disapproved of spices, drugs, and other harmful vices that many other Hutt lords thrived on. Unlike Arok, who disapproved of drugs for professional and business reasons, Marlo's disapproval was more personal and moralistic. He believed that it was bad for a Hutt's morale and honor, as well as his health, to keep such things in his possession. Marlo also wanted to look dignified as the head of his Hutt family, so, despite the fact that most Hutts did not grow hair (Zorba, father of Jabba, was a notable exception), he put a small, dark creature called a Sha'rellian toop on top of his head to give him the appearance of hair, and he penciled a narrow mustache above his mouth to make him look even more dignified.

Another thing that set Marlo apart from some other Hutts was that he loved his family dearly, and he would do anything he could to protect them, as well as to make them strong and powerful in a world of criminal dealings and danger. His spouse had passed away some years before the Clone Wars, but he had three sons and a daughter, Sonnie, Freedo, and Micey, his sons, and Conarla, his daughter. He wanted the best of them to take his place as head of his Hutt family when he died, but Sonnie was very hotheaded, even for a Hutt, and a little too bold for his own good, while Freedo was a little sickly and weak-willed for a Hutt, and could easily be influenced by a Jedi or some other persuasive person who wanted to destroy or manipulate the family. He wouldn't last very long in such a cutthroat galaxy.

This left Marlo with one option; he had to make Micey, the youngest, the head of his empire. But Micey didn't want to be part of the business unless he had no other choice, because he knew what happened to well-meaning Hutts who got involved in the family business, even if they were successful in rising to power.

_Well,_ thought Marlo_, I love all my family, and I don't want to get any of them in trouble, but I'm not ready to be so violent as I was in my youth anymore. I _need _an heir, and Micey is the one whom I need, unless Conarla wants to take over, but she just wants to be a servant, not a leader. She's not as ambitious as Gardulla is. So I shall give Micey my blessing, and may he lead this empire into such power that even Jabba himself will look weak by comparison._

Marlo even instilled a desire for a religious experience in himself as well as his children, because he wanted his family and himself to continue to enjoy life on the other side of death. But perhaps the thing that set him apart from the other Hutts on the Hutt Grand Council the most was that he was trying to move his family into legitimate business.

* * *

**Marlo:** So this is Coruscant. [chuckles] I didn't miss nothin'.

* * *

**Freedo:** But the Zillo Beast is an endangered species!

**Marlo:** Not anymore. It's on Maridun now, it's fine.

* * *

**Marlo:** Let me know when you're finished in film school, Micey. I know some good people there; I could find you a place in it.

**Micey:** Really?

**Marlo:** Yeah, I could whip a few doors open for you.

**Micey:** Oh. Oh.

**Marlo:** Give you a couple of opportunities.

**Micey:** Oh. Oh, no. No, no. You know, I... I don't know. I don't think that's necessary.

**Marlo:** No, no, no, really. It's easy for me. I'll just call them through the proper channels. Make it easy for you.

* * *

**Marlo:** I want you to take this opportunity. Totally legitimate work for 1,000 credits a week. And I know that you're not gonna disappoint me.

**New Recruit:** Well, I don't see how I could say no, Your High Exaltedness.

**Marlo:** [leans back] This is not a yes.

[takes a frog and bites its head off]

**Marlo:** [still eating the frog] I want to hear yes.

* * *

**Nikto:** There's two Jedi after me, Oh Mighty Marlo the Hutt!

**Marlo:** Did you get their names?

**Nikto:** Pong Krell and Barriss Offee. They told me that they would put me in jail, unless I led them to the Nal Hutta Gourmet Club for Hutts.

**Marlo:** No, they're not gonna, they're not gonna send you to jail.

**Nikto:** They're not?

**Marlo:** No, they're gonna chop your head off.

* * *

**Marlo:** I'm getting too old for this nonsense.

* * *

**A/N:** The above quotes are based on quotes by Marlon Brando and Matthew Broderick from _The Freshman._


	4. Gorga the Hutt

**A/N:** Gorga the Hutt's enterprise is based off of the fictional casino, Tangiers, from Martin Scorsese's movie, _Casino._

* * *

**Due and Undue Credit**

* * *

Gorga the Hutt had always wanted to work with lots and lots of money. It was his dream in life. And with the assistance of his uncle, Jabba, now he had all-no, almost all-the money he could want. But he always wanted more.

He was a shrewd accountant for the Aarrpo Hutt family, as well as its head crime boss and a skillful sneak when it came to getting some money for himself. He started his career as a faithful lawyer for uncle Jabba, getting the legendary crime lord out of numerous scrapes with the law and ensuring that both of their criminal empires continued to thrive. Nowadays, he had ascended to even greater heights. In addition to the usual slaving, kidnapping, and smuggling that the Hutts frequently did in their criminal careers, he also owned and managed a spectacular casino inside his personal palace, where his entourage and trusted visitors could play slots, Sabacc, Holo Sabacc, Shebs, the Big 12 Wheel, and Galactic Roulette, plus many other luxurious games of chance.

"If the Hutt Kajidic didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent it." So said Gorga once, which he had learned from Jabba in his youth. "The same is true of Sal Sagev, my casino palace. People need to believe in an outfit that can get things done outside the rules. My palace is like a sort of 'sin city,' where the rules are suspended, where there's no day or night, where if you're lucky, you can go home a millionaire. Of course, countless people lose money when they come to my casino, and if they dare to deal with me or my more powerful underlings, they often regret it. But money, while not 100% reliable, nor a deity, is something we all need, and neither the Hutt Kajidic nor the casinos could exist if most opportunists weren't also optimists.

"That's how I get my money, and provide jackpots of all sizes for revelers of all sizes and shapes. But of course, the money is mine first and foremost, and I'll always make sure that nobody swindles me out of my coffers or my pockets. Why, just the other day, an unusually brave (and foolish) Aqualish was caught cheating at Redcommander, a classic gambling card game involving the same kind of deck of cards as Sabacc, and one of my boys, a Nikto, I believe, stunned him with a jolt from an electrical gun. He was brought before me personally, and when he denied ever cheating at his game, I pounded his hands with my own fists, making him go out the door with no money and a couple of broken hands!

"Seriously, how do these folks expect to get away with swindled or stolen money when I run this place so strictly? If someone could steal 25% of the slot machine take, how could they convert it into such a huge number of credits and stuff it into a suitcase to use for their own purposes, or to deliver to another mob outside of the Hutt family?

"No. I am a casino manager and an accountant, and _no one_ is getting any of _my_ money past me, unless they get it the right way, through my casino and its games."


	5. Jabba the Hutt

**A/N:** This story can take place at any time during the _Clone Wars_ besides during the _Clone Wars film._

* * *

**Scum and Villainy**

* * *

How could one forget such a malicious, spiteful creature as Jabba the Hutt, the most famous and legendary of all the Hutt crime lords since Boonta the Hutt who came from the days before the Old Republic? Probably not at all, for he was not called a legend for nothing.

Jabba was obviously the most infamous of crime lords, because he was also one of the most clever and slippery, always knowing how to make the right deals to make his empire thrive, as well as skillfully disposing of perceived enemies and traitors to his enterprises. He also was very proud of his treasures, boasting that if Oruba the Hutt had more castles than any other successful Hutt crime lord, he had more treasures and trinkets collected or stolen over the years than any other Hutt. Some Hutts, like Marlo, Jabba's nephew Gorga, and Jabba's great aunt Mama, had some connection to religious issues, though they never let it get in the way of their underworld dealings, but Jabba was dreadfully pragmatic. Torture and obnoxiousness were among his favorite pastimes, as evidenced by EV-9D9 and Salacious Crumb, and he drooled over slave girls constantly.

Nonetheless, though, even Jabba had a few redeeming qualities. He firmly believed that Hutts should not betray other Hutts, and was angered when his uncle Ziro did just that to him. He also loved his little son, Rotta, and he had two friends in the form of Pantoran Baron Papanoida and the alien Ephant Mon whom he completely respected. And when he grew up, Rotta was going to be taught everything about Hutts and crime that Jabba knew.

"Rotta," he would say in Huttese, "You must always be mindful that Hutts cannot run away from danger like so many other life forms can, because we are like snails and have no legs to speed ourselves along. But don't worry about that weakness. It just means that you have to use an alternative means of stopping your opponent. We have the slickest and most powerful brains of any sentient species in the galaxy, though there are a few Hutts who are exceptions. You must outthink your enemy, and catch him or her by surprise, in order to stop them before they stop you. Another lesson you must learn is how to know when a person who is part of your entourage is thinking of betraying you. Facial cues, body language, and the way they speak are the keys. Even if they are good liars, you can tell that they're lying by how they act when they are speaking. All but the best liars show at least a little bit of discomfort or shiftiness when they tell a lie. And finally for today, if someone displeases you with his incompetence, or threatens to kill you, that is another time when you must have the element of surprise."

Rotta nodded with surprising intelligence for a baby. Jabba could tell that his son was a smart little lad.

"Good boy, Rotta," smiled Jabba.


	6. Gardulla the Hutt

**A/N:** This is a made-up conversation between Gardulla and the Hutt Grand Council concerning Ziro's fate after they would get their hands on his holodiary.

* * *

**Slave Mistress**

* * *

_The galaxy doesn't know how much so many parts of it need slaves. After all, slaves are what make us higher-up people not have to worry about getting all the hard work done._

Gardulla the Hutt believed this for just about all of her life. As head of the Besadii family and a compatriot of sorts for Jabba, she had worked hard to keep up the slave trade in the Outer Rim, because being a slave master was her life. She had once owned two slaves called Anakin and Shmi Skywalker, who were certainly very good workers when it came to technology, but she had lost them in a podracing bet to Watto, a Toydarian junk dealer. But she won and lost slaves in bets all the time, and their loss didn't mean all that much to her.

These days, however, it wasn't her slave trade that bothered her so much. Ziro, a treacherous Hutt lord who had attempted to betray Jabba a while back, had just been broken out of prison, and he was on his way to show them, whether he liked it or not, where his holodiary was, because it contained important information that the Hutt Grand Council wanted to protect.

"Can we really trust Ziro to give us what we want?" she asked her fellow Hutt Councilors.

"Ziro is a weakling and a fool," said Arok. "It will not take much persuading to convince him to hand over the diary."

"Yes," said Oruba, "And if he does refuse, there's a prison cell just the right size for him, where he can stew and ooze his slime until he is willing to cooperate."

"Good," said Gardulla, "But suppose Ziro leads us to the wrong location, or to a fake diary? He's just as much a Hutt as we are. He could trick us."

"That's why someone will be going with him to retrieve it," said Marlo, "And he can't afford to present us with a fake, because we can recognize a fake diary any day, under any circumstances."

"If you say so," said Gardulla. "However, I have a certain business interest in him."

"No, he can't be your partner or servant, Gardulla," boomed Gorga.

"I don't want him as a partner or a servant. I want him as a slave. No one has kept a powerful (or once powerful) Hutt as a slave for a very long time. I would like to see him crawl, in more ways than one, for what he almost did to Jabba and Rotta."

The Hutt Council all smiled. "Then he shall be your slave when our business with him is finished, if he isn't killed first," they said.

"It would be my pleasure," said Gardulla greedily.


	7. Ziro the Hutt

**A/N:** Ziro is experiencing the "horrors" of Republic prison in this short story.

* * *

**Prison Horror**

* * *

People were always laughing at Ziro the Hutt. They were always commenting and joking on his flamboyance and his high-pitched, "gay" voice with a lisp. It was very ridiculous, the way that they poked fun at him, because he knew that he was the most _fashionable_ Hutt in the galaxy.

Hutts normally had a slimy green sheen, even though Oruba was unnaturally pale for a Hutt. But Ziro had tattooed his whole body purple, with dark purple and yellow markings, making him look like he was an old fruit. His face had cosmetic surgery once, and he wore showy hats while he was still in business. But he was proud of his appearance, and the mockery of other people didn't make any difference to him. He was flamboyant, although he didn't altogether like the word, and he was going to remain flamboyant.

However, he was even more eager and greedy than the average Hutt, and would resort even to the blackmail of his nephew Jabba in order to become more rich and powerful. This proved to be his undoing when Senator Padmé Amidala uncovered his plot and captured him. And now, as he stewed in his Republic prison cell, dreaming of escape, he pondered his actions and Jabba's words about how Hutts didn't betray each other.

_Hmm, Jabba just can't understand what I've been through. I was a powerful crime boss, but Jabba always was better than me, and both Zorba and Mama said that his talents were superior to mine. I just wanted something more, but Count Dooku tricked me into thinking that I could get away with murder, the murder of that little Huttlet._

_Poor little guy! And poor little me! This Republic prison is like hell to me! Oh, the horrors! But I know that somebody in the underworld will want to break me out sooner or later, and bounty hunters and mercenaries always get what they want._

"Hey, guard!" he yelled at a Coruscant Guard clone trooper. "Can you get me another one of those jelly-cakes I always used to enjoy back at my palace, or maybe a nice, crunchy frog? That would really hit the spot right now."

The guard stared right through him. "Hutt slime," he said, sounding like it was coming through clenched teeth, "You're in jail now, and prisoners here always eat food that's worse than the rations my men and I normally eat. That means plain bread and distilled water, and _not right now._ You already had your dinner two hours ago." The guard turned back to doing his duty.

Ziro looked like he wanted to cry. "Oh, will somebody please hurry and get me out of here?" he wailed.

A guard banged on his cell bars. "Pipe down in there, Hutt!" Ziro collapsed on the floor in a faint.


	8. Mama the Hutt

**A/N:** Mama the Hutt was Ziro the Hutt's massively obese mother in _**"Hunt for Ziro,"**_ and this takes place at an undetermined time before that episode.

* * *

**Motherhood**

* * *

Oh, the indignity of being a Hutt mother!

Mama the Hutt was one tough cookie. In fact, that was one of her favorite recipes that she ordered her cooks to make for her. Lots and lots of cookies. She also favored sic-six layer cake, chocolate donuts, a variety of pastas, and even salty protato wedges and hubba chips with sliders, although she usually ate only the meat of the sliders, discarding the buns as if they were worthless.

Perhaps that was what had contributed to her having become so obese in her later life. She could understand why so many people who saw her were repulsed by her appearance, especially humans and near-humans. However, that didn't mean that Mama had to like it or even respect it. If anyone crossed her, and she had the power to overcome them, bam! A punishment would be metered out that would usually result in the humiliation or even the death of the imbecile. No, nobody would be getting away with calling her "big, fat slug" for long.

But this wasn't the only thing that made being a mother so hard for Mama. Her firstborn son, Ebor the Hutt, had been killed years ago, presumably by a Jedi, according to the rumors, though she had also heard that the Jedi had died himself later on. Then, her second eldest son, Zorba the Hutt, father of the legendary Jabba the Hutt and grandfather of little Rotta the Huttlet, had been convicted and incarcerated for his own illicit crimes, and his sentence still had a ways to go before he could be paroled. Finally, her youngest son, that goofy looking sap Ziro, was just so _annoying._ He tattooed his whole body purple and yellow, he decorated himself so stupidly, and he always had a habit of not calling for a long time, and then showing up at Mama's dinner time.

Yes, it surely was frustrating. But then Mama remembered that she was a Hutt crime boss, and it was their duty as crime bosses to put up with all kinds of crap, and also to get rid of those whose crap was too biting and irritating for business.

_Someday, Ziro had better learn this, too,_ she thought. _He needs a good disciplining, soon._


	9. Rotta the Huttlet

**A/N:** This final chapter shows how even a cute little Huttlet can be a troublemaker for people who didn't comply with Jabba's orders.

* * *

**Little Punky Muffin**

* * *

No one who wasn't a Hutt would suspect this, but life was lots of fun, even for a baby Hutt. Rotta the Huttlet, baby son of Jabba the Hutt, had been having the time of his life during Anakin and Ahsoka's mission to rescue him and bring him back to Tatooine, even if he had been a bit sick for much of the time.

Now, safely back home in Jabba's Palace, little Rotta was having a ball. He played around with big insects, sometimes eating them. He bounced on his father's belly. He even made friends with a Kowakian Monkey-Lizard that served as a jester in the palace. And now, Jabba was holding a private celebration in the palace standing for Rotta's safe return. A variety of aliens, a Yuzzum, a Pa'lowick, a Rodian, some Twi'leks, a few humans and near-humans, an Ortolan, a Kitonak, and two Weequay drummers were dancing, singing and playing some upbeat music for Jabba and his court.

Rotta was actually humming and dancing to the tune, enjoying every minute of it. The dancers excited him with their lithe movements, like they would almost any Hutt. But then, when one Twi'lek wouldn't cooperate with Jabba's desire to kiss her, Rotta suddenly snitched a blaster from a Nikto and shot her dead.

Shock and fear were the dominant emotions of the court. But Jabba was evidently impressed. He said something about slave girls needing to accept that they should obey him when they were called to his side by him, and then he picked up and cradled Rotta, gently taking the blaster out of his hands before there could be an accident.

"That's my little punky muffin," he said with bottomless affection.

* * *

**Every single story begins with an idea,  
Every single idea begins with a warm, exciting feeling from inside,  
That feeling comes only when you have fantasy,  
And fantasy comes only to those who have the right heart,  
And so every single story is magical,  
And therefore I will never flame.**


End file.
